Breaded Salmon with Quite a Lot of Oregano

One sign, to me at least, that I’m getting to be a better cook is that I have gotten to be much better at identifying what each part of a recipe is doing. Not that it’s usually rocket science; usually it’s just “the bun is keeping my hands from getting greasy, and the burger’s is being delicious.”

Actually… I wrote that as a joke, but it’s not a terrible example. Victoria turned me into an absolute avocado fiend; we probably go through 5 avocados a week, on average. I went through a phase where I was literally putting them in everything – and believe me, I know what the word “literally” means. I got to the point where I was making burgers, saw an avocado... and, well, you know the rest. Today I rarely make burgers WITHOUT avocado in them. Don’t worry if you’re dubious; everyone is at first. And then they say “Oh my god, this is amazing!” or something similar. Silly people. Of course it is.

The spark was random – but my brain has developed fairly sensitive filters to differentiate between me being an idiot, and me merely thinking stupid thoughts that nonetheless are likely to be fun. In this case, it was the latter. And when I thought through it, it made sense. After all, avocados are deliciously fatty, but don’t taste greasy; if you mix in some avocado, you can use leaner beef than you would otherwise, and still get phenomenally great tasting burgers.

The point I’m trying to make is that middle step. I’m the first to say that there is a great deal of joy to an “idea – experiment” process. At the same time, being able to run the experiment in my head first has a ton of value as well. Being able to think, “yes, this will probably work, because avocados have such-and-such properties” is a useful skill.


I guess what I mean isn’t that I CAN figure out what’s going on in a recipe – it’s that I DO. The process is becoming more automatic. Just like anything else – you look at something that you know well, and rather than seeing the top-level elements, your brain starts translating, interpreting, recognizing patterns.

Example – show a chessboard, with a game in progress, for five seconds to a chess master and to someone who doesn’t play chess. Ask them to recreate the scenario. The non-player will make the kinds of mistakes you’d expect – pieces shifted more or less randomly. The master will have a better memory – but more interestingly, when he makes an error it is more likely to be a bigger error, in absolute terms, but a smaller error when it comes to the tactical situation of the game. For example, he may transpose an entire attack that was happening on the right side of the board to the left side of the board; a mistake that may involve many more pieces being out of place than for the non-player, but in the end recreates a situation more or less the same as the one he saw. On the other hand, take the board and put the pieces down randomly – put them into a pattern that doesn’t make any sense from a strategic perspective – and all of a sudden the chess master is in the same boat everyone else is.

Filters. Pattern recognition and filters; what separates man from beast.


So when I sat down to make a tasty looking salmon with oregano dish that I found, there were alarm bells going off in my head. I wasn’t quite sure what – but there was something wrong with the recipe.

Can you figure it out?

Herb Baked Salmon [1]
Ingredients:
vegetable oil spray
3/4 pound salmon fillet
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
1/4 cup parsley, fresh, chopped
1 teaspoon oregano, dried
1/2 teaspoon thyme, dried
1/2 cup plain bread crumbs
salt and pepper to taste
1 egg white
Preparation:
Preheat oven to 350°. Line a baking tray with foil and spray with vegetable oil spray, Wash salmon, pat dry, and spread mustard over the top. Mix parsley, oregano, thyme and bread crumbs together. Season with salt and pepper. Blend in egg white to bind mixture together. Spread over mustard. Bake in oven for 20 to 25 minutes, depending on thickness of fillets. Remove from oven and serve on individual plates with rice.
Serves 2.


See it?

The recipe is using two different methods to adhere the topping to the fish. It doesn’t make any sense. Use an egg wash or use a layer of mustard – either one works – but using both at the same time is just crazy-talk.


Now, I’ve got to come clean with you. I’m pretty sure that the whole reason that I built this all up is to make fun of myself. You know why? Because the next thing I did wasn’t to trust myself, ignore the egg and cook the fish. It was, in fact, to say to myself “Well, I don’t think that makes sense… so I must be missing something.”

Sigh.

Needless to say, putting an egg white in with the topping mixture simply turned the parts that touched the egg into a solid mass – impossible to do anything with other than throw out. Luckily, that also meant that it didn’t mix in with the other stuff at all, so it wasn’t actually a problem, aside from making me feel really stupid.


Oh, and since this is week oregano, I made a fairly significant alteration to the recipe. You see where it says one teaspoon oregano, one quarter cup parsley? I swapped those. (Actually, I doubled the whole recipe, but still only used a quarter-cup oregano… so I guess I swapped them, then halved the amount of oregano.

Yeah… remember that system I talked about above, that’s supposed to filter things like this for me? It was actually functioning PERFECTLY here. It said “A quarter cup of oregano is absolutely insane. You’re going to ruin dinner. This will NOT be fun. Abort.” To which I said, of course, “Science!” and plowed on. (Hey, the system exists. Whether or not I choose to listen to its recommendations is up to me.)

But you know what? It came out amazing. Victoria was just as dubious as I was about the massive quantity of oregano, but we were both sold once we started eating. The one thing I would do differently would be to cook it on something metal, rather than in a Pyrex dish. I really think this would have done well finished off in the broiler, so the coating got nice and extra-crispy before it got served. Alas, I have exploded one too many pieces of Pyrex bakeware to ever do it again.

I don’t do breaded stuff that often, and this was a nice change. Baking it with mustard rather than frying it with oil (much as I dearly love frying things with oil) made it slightly less crispy, but a lot less heavy than it would have been. The mustard and the oregano really played off of each other nicely, and – oh! Forgot this. I added a teaspoon of dill, as well.

Yum.

You know what I don’t eat enough of? Lamb. See you tomorrow!


PS – Confidential to MB – When you said at your rally “we are going to elect the boldest, strongest, most courageous, rock-ribbed, constitutional conservative president this country has ever seen”, did you mean Jesus Rambo? Because that guy is awesome.

PPS – Confidential to MB – you do realize that “bold” and “conservative”, in context, are conflicting traits, right?

PPPS – Confidential to MB – also, please be less crazy. Minnesota elected you to do a job… and your only concern seems to be keeping that job.

PPPPS = Confidential to MB – your biggest legislative accomplishment is introducing a bill called the “light bulb freedom of choice act.” PLEASE be less crazy.



[1] Compliments of http://southernfood.about.com/od/freshsalmonrecipes/r/bln44.htm